So, whilst recovering from a mild but persistent migraine, I've been ruminating on an interview Felicity Huffman gave to 60 minutes. She said being a mother wasn't the best thing she's ever done and she resented the question because it implied that if she said "no" shewas a bad mother. I have to say, I don't understand her answer, but I do respect it.
In some ways, I think it might make her a better mother. After all, isn't our job to help our children grow to be independent adults? If they are the center of our lives, how do we make that happen? But, like I said, I don't understand. Because being a mother is, by about a million miles, the best thing I've ever done. (Maybe if I'd played a pre-op transgendered man, I'd feel differently.)
I am a stay at home mom. And if I'm honest, it's not because I think it's what's best for the boys. It's because I'm selfish. I WANT to spend this time with them. Now, that doesn't mean that I love them any more than working moms love their kids -- the one thing I HATE is when stay at home moms talk about how superior they are or when working moms talk about how superior they are. Both choices have pros and cons for the moms and the kids. I mean, you can be a great mom who loves your kids (or dad) and work a full-time job. (Maybe it's just because my mom chose to continue working full-time after I was born that I want to believe this, but I don't think so.) Now, if you're working so much that you aren't home enough to adequately take care of a dog, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you shouldn't have small children. (And I can't for the life of me figure out why you'd want to.) But, unless you use a known registered sex offender or Michael Jackson for your childcare, you are probably doing just fine by your kids even if you work outside the house full time.
And, as a stay at home mom, unless you are in your kids' faces constantly and have no outside interests at all, you are probably doing just fine.
So, what's my point? Hell if I know, but let me keep typing and maybe I'll find one.
When I was younger, I couldn't have imagined being happy staying home with young children. Now I can't imagine going to work and leaving them all day. They are waay too much fun to let someone else have the joy of hanging out with them all day. It seems like each segment of my life has been pretty neatly defined. This is the mommy segment. Honestly, I can't imagine working all day then coming home and having the energy to deal with the guys. (Heck, before I was even pregnant, I used to come home and take a nap until Steph was on her way home almost every night.) But back to my segments. At the end of each, I've found myself getting bored and restless. Maybe that will happen again and I'll want to return to work. That would be handy.
So, am I smothering my children? I hope not. I try not to. Am I being a bad feminist by derailing my career to stay at home? Probably. But the truth is, I was bored stiff by my "career" and ready for something new.
But back to Felicity Huffman. I still don't get it. I love my spouse, my family and I loved many, many aspects of my career. But being a mom fulfills me in a way that nothing else really has. (And it's scarier than hell to realize how much my happiness is tied to the health and happiness of these little guys who don't know things like water and electricity don't mix. Of course, Spouse doesn't seem to know that cutting a live power cord ain't so smart, either, so I've got plenty to worry about.) It makes me feel closer to my spouse and I think, eventually, it will make me better at whatever work I return to. It's just the coolest thing I've ever done. Maybe if I'd won a Pulitzer I'd feel differently. But I doubt it.
Anyway, Eddie has been quite sick but seems to be feeling better after many, many hours of fevered sleep. Thank God. Maybe I can get back to thinking about whether Thomas or Jay Jay will win the battle for the hearts and minds of this house.
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3 comments:
I love it when celebrities say things that don't seem as though they were ghost-written by a PR staff. So, go Felicity!
But I agree. I don't think I'll ever do anything cooler than be a mom. Not that I want that to be all that defines me -- rather I want to be good enough to define motherhood in a way that's healthy and interesting and fun for all concerned.
You, dear Cheryl, are my model in this. Our kids are going to be so well adjusted that it's frightening. Except that they will use too much Kleenex. (Actually Eddie will use enough Kleenex for the both of them.)
I think Felicity's point was that the question backs a woman into a corner. The expected answer is: "My kids/family are the greatest thing I've ever done. Nothing is better than this."
Everyone seems to expect a mom to give that answer and, as Felicity said, if she says "no," her kids/family aren't the ultimate thing she's done, she's a bad mother and a bitch. And that's a bit unfair.
Men don't seem to be under the same cultural pressure on that one. If a man doesn't automatically say his kids/family are the best thing he's ever done, no one really notices. He's certainly not cast as a bad father. Just a man being a man.
I thought it was damned brave of her to not take the easy route and say what was expected.
And I agree wholeheartedly. My only point is only that my kids/family ARE the greatest thing I've done. Now, maybe it's only because I'm in the heart of it now and in a few years I'll be bored stiff with it. That would be like me.
And to me it doesn't matter whether the question is asked of a man or a woman -- I simply can't imagine anything better than my kids. And, like I said, I'm not sure that's healthy.
Anyway, it's kind of like someone saying they love seafood. I don't understand it because I hate seafood. But I respect it and I know I'd probably be better off if I also loved seafood.
I do get her point that it's an unfair question that would NEVER be asked of a man.
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