.jpg)
OK, here's the picture of the day, taken by Steph. It's me helping rebuild train tracks. I would have posted one that Chas took, but my big fat belly is hanging out and it's about as gross as the poop picture that I didn't post so at least I'm being consistent.
Anyway, more ruminations on Felicity Huffman simply because I think that somehow my last weird post on the subject didn't properly convey that I both understood and liked what she said. Rather, I think I almost felt bad because she said it and it made so much sense etc. that I almost felt like a bad mother for thinking that my kids are the greatest thing I've ever done. And that's the real rub with motherhood, isn't it? No matter what you do or say or feel or think, there's some part of you that worries that it's wrong. Do I love my kids enough? Do I love them too much? Am I subverting myself and giving them a bad model of what a woman is? Am I being too selfish and not giving enough of myself to them? Why can't I be like an Emperor Penguin and suffer ridiculous physical pain without complaint for them?
Do men even think like this? I mean, I believe -- or at least I hope -- that many men worry about being good fathers etc. But do they worry about it to this extent? Do they feel this weight of having to represent for their entire gender?
I think this is why the stay at homes and the stay at work moms can all be so annoying about their choices. I think everyone is so worried/afraid that they aren't doing the best thing that they have to justify it to themselves and anyone in earshot at every opportunity. Or maybe I'm overthinking it.
Honestly, I've known some great people -- fantastic people -- with lousy moms and vice versa. So we should probably just relax about it.
Just know that my choices are right.
1 comment:
When I had hesitations about being a mother, they didn't really have to do with inadequacy. You know, because until I turned about 30, I pretty much figured I could do anything, no matter how ridiculous (cue the "I could land a plane" clip in your mental highlight reel now).
But now, I totally see how easy it would be to be paralyzed by guilt or worry or whatever. Which may be why, for the first few months (years?) of their lives, kids paralyze you with lack of sleep. You just don't have the mental capacity to worry. Well, maybe better moms than I do can worry. But I don't care!
My main philosophy now is that we do the best we can, and we won't break them. I mean, we'd break them if we dropped them from a great height, but you know what I mean. No matter what people might think after reading our blogs, we're fairly well adjusted people who want the best for our kids, but don't want to subvert their entire selves for their kids (though my collector gene is starting to kick in with Thomas stuff, and I know yours is too).
And the truth is, when it comes to parenting, you give me faith. You were born for this, which isn't to say you WEREN'T also born for other things, but you are a GREAT parent. Just like you've taught me that fighting (fair) isn't a bad thing, as long as you're fighting fair, you've taught me that doubt doesn't mean that you're bad at what you're doing. In fact, it can make you better -- certainly better than the irrational self confidence I used to feast on!
Post a Comment