Flying Wallendas, my ass! I've got a flying Eddie

Tonight as I read Chas a goodnight story, Eddie got up and wandered. I heard him start to climb up on his changing table and I called for Steph. She didn't hear. But I didn't think he could get into too much trouble -- probably just trying to throw a tissue in the garbage can that used to be up there to be out of their reach and is now just up there out of habit. Anyway, I'm not too worried, just reading the adventures of Courderoy the stuffed bear when all of a sudden Eddie comes flying over the back of the chair and onto my shoulder. Mind you there are feet, not inches, between the back of the rocking chair and the changing table. I called for Steph a bit louder and with a voice that betrayed the delayed panic of the moment and she came running. At first she didn't believe me that he had done such a thing. Then she wanted to high five him. Then she had him do it again so she could see. He was tentative, thinking he was in trouble. But once he saw that he wasn't, he repeated the trick a couple of times. In total, the completely wrong message to be sending him about this reckless behavior but I can't control her. And I shudder to think of what he'll be trying as an older boy and teenager. I need a drink.

That kid took my Clifford!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to the library today, or as the boys think of it, the DVD and video place with a lot of books in the lobby. Anyway, at the end of our visit, I let them select a couple of DVDs. They were having a tough time when the librarian who knows and likes them (though I'm not sure why) brought out a brand new Clifford DVD. She asked if they liked Clifford and told them they could be the first to see this DVD and how neat it was. Eddie shook his head no, while Chas expressed mild interest.

Chas looked at it, then handed it back. This went on a couple of times while another kid ran up and said, "I want the new Clifford DVD!!!" So I asked Chas if he wanted it and he said no, then handed it to the little boy. I was a bit embarrassed at their ingratitude over the librarian's gesture, but that would pale in comparison to what came next.

As we got into the van, the other kid and his mother were getting into their car parked next to us. Chas looked over and shrieked, "THAT KID TOOK MY CLIFFORD!" He then began sobbing and screaming this. The mother looked at me and said, "He changed his mind, huh?" I told her not to worry about it and I loaded the boys in and drove off with an angry Chas, tears pouring down his cheeks, screaming about the great injustice perpetrated upon him by "that kid."

Eddie's age

Ask him and he'll tell you: "I'm two. I three in March." This is a big improvement because until recently, he protested quite loudly if you even suggested that in March he would be anything other than 2.

But this begs the question: How have they gotten so old, so fast? Why didn't someone tell me about the magical/crazy time machine you step into when you have children? Oh sure, people said stuff like "Enjoy them -- they'll grow up so fast." But I didn't think they meant anything close to this. Besides, I was so sleep-deprived at that point that I didn't properly understand. Now I do. I want my babies back!!! And my toddlers!!!

Because "Thank You" is so overused...

At Trader Joe's today, Eddie skipped through the checkstand while Chas admired the stickers they have up front. The checker tore three off and gave them to Chas. "What do you say?" I asked him. Without skipping a beat he looked at her and said "Eddie needs some, too." Or something to that effect. And he was right, of course. I still made him say Thank You, but I secretly admired the fact that he was looking out for his bro.

On a more unpleasant note, we visited baby Marcus today and, more importantly in the boys' estimation, Danger the chocolate lab. Danger licked Chas on the forehead and the boy broke out in little hives. Damn those allergies!!!!! Some Benadryl helped and we left shortly afterward. But I'm sad that these boys who love dogs may never have one of their own.

Eddie loves his family

How do I know? Because he told us so. Tonight, he crawled into bed and announced, very sweetly, "I luff my famwee." He then proceeded to toss, turn, get up and otherwise fight sleep for an hour. Still, he wins on style points.

Today we celebrated President's Day in the traditional way. We went swimming at the Y then snuck Chicken Nuggets and candy into the theater where we watched "Curious George." It was a very enjoyable flick, though truth be told I think the boys would have been enthralled even by "Out of Africa" had they been allowed such free and easy access to popcorn and red vines. After it was over, as we walked out of our aisle, Eddie came across a soda pop sitting in the cup holder of some stranger. Naturally, before we could stop him he put his little lips around this stranger's straw and took a swig of God Knows What. Our protestations only served to make him burst into tears once outside the darkened theater and announce "My fee-wins are hurt!" Meanwhile, I'm convinced he's probably contracted the Bubonic Plague or something from the straw. It doesn't help that they had lice education material out at Childwatch at the Y the other day because a kid was there with lice a few days ago. Now this. I can only imagine that in the 4:10 showing of "Curious George" in Auburn we had a herpetic, (Is that a word?) syphillitic crack-whore with a bad case of Hoof in Mouth Disease drinking a large soda a few seats over from us and I didn't even notice. I may need to invest in a bubble to keep them in. Or at the very least some nifty Tyvek suits.

So far, he's symptom free but it can only be a matter of time. At any rate, after the movine, the boys came home and recreated their favorite scene in the movie by fingerpainting, including a bit on the wall ala George the Curious. It's a good thing that A. They are cute and B. Someone out there invented washable fingerpaints.

Cousin, Cousine (Raelee and Marcus)

Do the new cousins look alike? They are, to be fair, second cousins. But I see a resemblance...

I Too Angry!

So tonight the boys -- particularly Chas -- were being kind of uncooperative about bedtime. Chas kept wanting to come to the Big Bed. So I told him there were too many clothes on it and we would need to clean it up for him. Then we left them in their room and did, in fact, fold some clothes. After a bit, it was quiet. Very quiet. We assumed they were both asleep. I peeked in and when I turned on the hall light, Chas' head turned. So I flipped it off quickly and Steph and I came to the living room to watchng some TV. Soon we started hearing Chs' voice. "I don't want to sleep!" We ignored it. It got louder and more vehement. We ignored it. Finally, the pitter patter of little feet. We told him to go back to sleep and he told us, quite firmly, "I too angry!" And indeed he was. So we let him sit on our laps whilst we watched Lost and his anger subsided and he felt asleep.

Sweat Test Results Are In....(Drumroll, please)

They are within the normal range. No nasty surprises. My father-in-law, however, called to ask for prayers and report that his penis is bleeding. No one should ever have to have a conversation with her father-in-law in which the word penis comes up, let alone in conjunction with blood. I'm sure it's something simple and not serious. But I will pray for him. And then try to put the entire conversation out of my head forever and ever.

Meeting Marcus

Took the boys to meet their new cousin, Marcus Reid. They were unimpressed. Eddie seemed a bit jealous, in fact. But they warmed to him considerably when I suggested they introduce him to all the toy trains they had brought. That was great fun.

Meanwhile, Eddie has just destroyed the train track set up, declaring, "It was a stormy night. There was a storm."

Holy Crap, That's A Lot of Poop!

This is what Eddie said as I changed his dirty diaper tonight. I looked at him and said, "Now, be fair. I usually say 'Holy Moly, that's a lot of poop!' not 'Holy crap!'" He just smiled and repeated his original statement.

He was, by the way, quite correct.

Let's go home. I freezin.

So after days of anticipation, we finally took the boys up to Hyak to play in the snow. Eddie, in particular, was unimpressed. He liked sledding down the small hill we turned into a sled run. But quickly tired of it because it turns out, snow is cold. Very cold. Their snowsuits were on the small side, so the sleeves kept pulling up exposing his wrists. His mittens kept falling off. He was quickly asking to go home. But it was fun while it lasted. On the way home, he told us he was through with snow. By the time we were eating pizza in Federal Way, he was planning his next snow trip "tomorrow."

The sledding pics are of Eddie as I pulled him back to the car. More pics, including some closeups of Chas, I hope, will be found when I get the film developed on the old-fashioned film camera.

Sweat Test -- no Sweat.

So today, Chas had his sweat test. The worst part was leaving Eddie behind at Auntie Cathy's. Chas cried for his brother the whole way to the lab. He didn't want to go to the doctor and the difference between a doctor and a lab tech was lost on him.

Anyway, they put a couple of disks of this chemical stuff on his forearm then drove an electrical current though it for five minutes, then repeated on the next arm. This was followed by application of sweat collection disks taht had to be kept on for 30 minutes. During the electrical stimulation portion, he kept whimpering, "It hurts to me." Now I'm relatively sure it only tingled, but it probably felt pretty weird and scary. But he was a trooper.

They have one of those interactive talking bear things and this evening it asked them "Who's your best friend?" Chas said "Eddie" and Eddie said "Chas." It's the first time they've actually called each other that. It melted my heart. But then, when it comes to these two, it doesn't take much.

And, completely unrelated, I finished their birthday party invites. Not the most flattering photo of Eddie in particular, but it was too much work to get them to wear the hats and pose and even more trouble to photoshop them so this is it. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time uploading it to Blogger. I'll try again later.

Goodbye my cheap dates

Tonight the fellas and I went with Auntie Cathy and Uncle Larry to Red Robin while Mama helped Delsa with some sort of gym floor installation thing. Anyway, they both downed a complete kids meal. (Chas very sweetly shared his cheeseburger with Eddie.) Each. No more sharing. Damn.

Anyway, they were exhausted and cried quite a bit before collapsing. So I decided to work on their birthday invites, which has been a bit frustrating. Photoshopping Thomas and Jay Jay is a lot easier than photoshopping the boys. (Much more complicated in real life, I guess.) So, I'm not done. But I am frustrated. However, I'm posting some of the outtakes from the birthday invite photo session the other day with the boys.

Eddie's Very Pretty Rainbow

On Wednesday, Eddie and Chas were in childwatch at the Y for a short time while I just took a shower. When I picked them up, Eddie was finishing this masterpiece. (Chas was just starting his.) Anyway, I told them both that their picture was very pretty. Eddie took it to heart. We cannot hang this up because he needs to carry it with us in the diaper bag in case he needs to look at it and admire his artistry.

Last night, he had to sleep with it. I warned about wrinkles and suggested we put it on the nightstand. He screamed, "I NEED MY VERY PRETTY RAINBOW!" Guess who won? The funny thing is that more than once in the night and early morning when he awoke just a bit, he had to forage around to find his Very Pretty Rainbow, admire it and fall back to sleep with a smile on his face. When he finally woke up for real, it was not only wrinkled but suffered what I can only imagine was an unfortunate drool accident. He wanted me to get the wrinkles out. I suggested putting it under some heavy books for a while. No. Fix it NOW. So I got the idea of scanning it in and printing it out anew. He was thrilled beyond all expectations by seeing it on the computer screen and is happy with the new print, though the ghosts of the wrinkles are plainly seen.

So here it is. The masterpiece that has become an obsession. And though you might think those words at the bottom say "Happy Valentine's Day," you would be wrong. Eddie insists, quite loudly and emotionally, that they say "Rainbow." And if I've learned anything in the last nearly three years, it's that you don't mess with Ed.

Mommy was angry

Yup, that's what Eddie's reported to his Mama this morning. Because yesterday he was refusing all available clothing options. So I got mad and told him to just go naked. Which is really, really stupid because he would love nothing more than to be naked all day long. Hmm. Anyway, it clearly made an impression on him.

Today, he was the compliant boy. Not so much Mr. Chas. He found something he wanted -- a Bob the Builder Duplo set -- at Toys R Us and carried it around. He was bereft when we left the store without it, screaming that he didn't want it for his birthday. Now, his birthday is just a month away, so I think he can wait. He clearly has a different opinion.

Anyway, the reason we were even at the toy store is that I used the promise of going there to bribe them into going to visit their Uncle Dale in the nursing home. (I could have just forced them, but that would have been ugly.) I feel horribly guilty at not visiting my brother more often. But I hate going there and the boys hate going there, too. So it's tough to motivate. Sigh. But I do feel terrible for him. He'd had a seizure this afternoon, so he pretty much slept through our visit, although he DID remember that we'd been there.

OK, this is boring. Must go before I fall asleep at the keyboard...

I married a computer genius

OK, actually, my niece married a computer genius. I married someone smart enough to call him for advice when the computer freezes up AND to understand what he tells her. Rather than my technique, which is to just throw up my hands and declare it dead, followed by an evening in the fetal position at the foot of the computer desk. Hey, we all have our coping mechanisms.

Dr. Dumbfuck, paging Dr. Dumbfuck...

OK, so we took Chas to see his allergist yesterday, our four-times-a-year exercise in frustration. The asshole doctor is ALWAYS late. Not running late, as in spending too much time with patients, but late as in not even in the office 30 minutes or more after his appointments are supposed to have started. We had a 9:30 a.m. appointment. Finally saw him at 11 a.m. And honestly, that wouldn't bother me but because he's always late and backed up, he can't be bothered to actually read Chas' chart. So it's always like an appointment with a new doctor but one who tries to pretend like he actually knows what's going on. Drives me batty.

Anyway, the latest is that he wants to rule out cystic fibrosis. Yikes. I know in my heart that Chas doesn't have CF but I'll be awfully relieved to get the sweat test back to prove it. The test is scheduled for Monday.

In the meantime, I'll be making an appointment with a pediatric allergist in Seattle, I think. I hear good things about NWAA. Maybe their doctors even show up on time occasionally.

And my penis is O.K.

That was Eddie's response this morning when I saw that he had marker lines on his PJs and asked if he had put them there. I always knew the male of the species could be a little obsessed with the appendage, but give me a break.

Oh how we still love the Thomas Big Loader

We love it so much we even put away our Thomas Duplo in order to play with it.

Eddie is a brave little boy.

That's what he tells us, since he was able to sit through "Thomas, Percy and the Dragon." It's apparently terrifying -- he had to be sitting on my lap to do it. Chas couldn't even manage that. He left the room screaming to watch Kipper the Dog.

Let's see, so much has happened since my last blog entry. I backed into a culvert and had to be rescued by a couple of Milton's finest -- never been so happy to see a police car pull up behind me in my life.

Yesterday we took the boys to the Children's Bookshop in Puyallup for an appearance by Clifford the Big Red Dog. It was kind of sad. When Chas first spotted him, he literally danced up the aisle toward him. But when he got within about 10 feet, the fear took hold and he held back and was generally shy about meeting him. I wish the boy could grasp joy fully and not let fear keep him from embracing what makes him happy -- maybe I should take him to see Brokeback Mountain. On second thought, the message might be lost on him.

Speaking of which, my mother apparently wants to go see Brokeback. I'm torn between wanting to take her to see her reaction and wanting to avoid the heart attack that would likely ensue.

Regardless, we're going to Cathy and Larry's to watch the Superbowl soon, since Steph will be having to leave for work and it'll be less traumatic for the man cubs if they are at auntie's. At least that's the hope.

Oh, an our computer is dead. D-E-D, dead. I'm writing this on the laptop, which means my typing is slow and labored. So I'll stop now. I know I had more to say, more to write about. But I can't think of it now. So I'll post some pics of our Clifford encounter and be done with it for the time being.

What Mommy really says is

"Bite me."

OK, let me start with some background. For a few weeks now, I have amused the boys by just randomly saying, "Ca! Ca! Ca!" at varying speeds and pitches. It's a blatant ripoff of Ellen Degeneres and the boys find it absolutely hilarious. (Though they don't enjoy Ellen, so for a specific audience of 2 I am more amusing. Ha!) Anyway, several days ago we were playing the "what does blank" say game. What does a cow say? Moo. And so on. So I asked them what Mommy says. "Ca!" came the reply. I was charmed and I felt all warm and fuzzy that they remembered our little sound game so well and associated me with happiness and gales of laughter etc. etc. etc. Until yesterday.

Yesterday morning, we played the game again, with all the expected results. Then I added something to the mix. "What does Mama say?" Without batting an eye, Eddie cocked his head and said, "Mama say 'I love my boys.'" Suddenly, Mommy saying "Ca" pales in comparison. And I tried it several times yesterday and again today. Same results. So Steph is known for expressions of love and affection. I, on the other hand, am the ca-ca mom.