Friday, December 30, 2005

God's Sake, Chas!

The trouble with your children becoming verbal is that they become verbal.

Actually, the trouble with it is that you discover that they are actually little humanoid tape recorders. So every crappy thing you say is likely to be repeated. Take today. Chas was bugging me to play Bob the Builder on the 'puter. Soon I heard Eddie repeating over and over again, "God's sake, Chas." Arrgh. I thought I was doing so well, keeping the F word and it's cousins S and D words out of my vocabulary (well, mostly). I didn't even think about my habit of taking the Lord's name in vain. Damn those commandments anyway! Still, I don't want my guys running around saying "God's sake" so I've gotta work on cleaning it up a bit more. I mean, it just sounds so... so... bad... coming out of the mouth of a nearly 3-year-old.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Thomas the Big Loader is my Arch Nemesis

OK, maybe not. But the danged toy is my Arch Annoyance for sure. Here's the background. Last summer after our first camping trip, we stopped at the outlet stores at North Bend. The boys were smitten by this stupid toy and their Aunt Cathy bought it for them. They loved it. We all assumed it would break and/or they would be bored with it within a couple of days. Nope.

It's been put away and brought back out at least once. Then, on Christmas Eve, it was put away to make room for Tarrytown Airport etc. All was well until today, when Eddie looked at the spot on the coffee table where it used to be. "Where my Big Yoder?"

I explained that Santa had to put it away to make room for all their new toys and that we would have to put the new toys away if we wanted to get it out. Without skipping a beat he said, "Put Jay Jay away." Later, I said.

At this point, Chas has picked up on a bit of the conversation. He looks at me, crestfallen, and says, "Santa took Big Yoder?" Now, to put this in perspective, his face and tone of voice were more suggestive of a question like, "Santa is a Nazi war criminal?" I went and pulled down the bag the Big Loader had been hastily tossed into. Chas literally squealed with delight and did a happy dance.

Did I mention that this toy is a $14.99 piece o' crap?

On another subject, the Fear may be starting to hit Eddie. I was reading them an insipid Thomas story about fish getting into Thomas' boiler (don't ask) and he said, rather tentatively, "It can't come out of the book and get me." What? Thomas? The fish? I shudder to think what their imaginations are making of these stories. On the other hand, the stories are so ferociously boring, it's nice to know that they are imagining something more entertaining than what I'm reading.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

For Rebekah

Because, for some reason, you are a cheese-loving masochist, here it is. The text is beneath the layouts here because I could not get these to show up large enough to read.


















Greetings from the heart of Milton! The Reid-Simons family has another member this year. His name is Thomas and he’s quite cheeky. No, we haven’t had another child. But our boys have become addicted to the little blue train named Thomas and his multitude of other little train friends, all of whom our boys can identify instantly. They are also quite smitten with Jay Jay the Jet Plane. Basically, any mode of transportation with a face will make them squeal with delight.

In late February we had the modern suburban version of a barn-raising when family members converged with power tools and muscles to help erect a giant wooden play structure in the backyard. We were reminded of how truly fortunate we are to have such a great family living so near to us.

Spring brought sadness to our house. In May, our beloved cat Tribby suffered a massive stroke and died. He had been with Steph for 16 years and is greatly missed. Except on what used to be litter box cleaning days. Actually, given Chas’ allergies and asthma, it’s for the best that we don’t have any more kitties living with us, but he was a good and mighty hunter.

Also in May, Cheryl’s brother Dale took a bad fall in the parking lot of his new apartment. It was heartbreaking as he had just moved into an apartment by himself and was so thrilled at his newfound independence. (He has had memory and balance difficulties following a brain tumor and strokes several years ago.) For most of a month and a half that he was hospitalized we weren’t sure he would pull through, but he has. He is now in a rehabilitation center working hard on re-learning how to walk.

But on to happier news. The boys continue to amaze us with their ever-expanding vocabulary and abilities. In late May, we took them to Washington D.C. where we visited friends and saw the sites. They loved the dinosaur exhibits and of course the National Air and Space Museum, along with the National Zoo. They are really good little travelers already!

In October, despite her best efforts, Stephanie was given a promotion – she’s now an Assistant Managing Editor at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. She’s still enjoying her job and the people she works with.

Cheryl continues to stay home with the boys while doing a bit of freelance work between refereeing fights over trains or taking them on trips to the zoo, Seattle Museum of Flight or the Tacoma Children’s Museum.

We also joined the YMCA last January and we all enjoy family swim times. Moms even get to work out once in a while as the boys enjoy playing in Child Watch.

Eddie and Chas are brilliant, gorgeous and charming. They are not, however, potty-trained – but they’d better be by the next newsletter or we may have to revise the “brilliant” part of that.

We hope your 2005 was wonderful and that 2006 will be even better! Have a wonderful holiday season!



Steph, Cheryl, Eddie and Chas Reid-Simons

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Potty training: It's not for Sissies

So Eddie starts ripping off his PJs this morning and runs in to sit on the potty chair. Nothing. But I decide to put him in big boy undies. This actually works for a few hours until he suddenly announces, "I peed on the floor." Sure enough, there is a lovely puddle in the hallway. As I am discovering this, he is running off to the potty chair and sitting down. He does not pull down his underpants, which, to be fair, are already soaked anyway so it's not like it was going to make any difference. Alas, he had emptied his bladder in the hall. This whole potty training thing is going to be a real bitch.

Upchuck update: So far, so good. Meaning no more vomitus from either boy. By evening time, Eddie was even up for eating. And eating. And eating. Some macaroni and cheese and three bowls of cereal. It would be enough to make me yark on a good day but kids are weird.

Meanwhile, Chas is convinced that his new Duplo James train needs new batteries. He got ahold of a screwdriver and was trying to loosen screws on the bottom of it so he could insert said batteries. This is a problem because the train does not actually take batteries. He doesn't believe me. Tell him a fat guy in a red suit broke into our house, ate some cookies and gave some carrots to his flying reindeer while leaving him and his brother a bounty of toys and he accepts it willingly. But try telling him his Duplo trains don't take batteries and suddenly you're a deceptive jerk. The kid has issues.

The Joy of Twins

OK, mostly I love having twins. However, when they get sick.... Last night Eddie starting barfing. And even while cuddling and comforting him, I was calculating when Chas might start. I mean, what are the odds that only one boy will get sick, right?

Anyway, although he tossed and turned and his tummy gurgled all night, Eddie hasn't yarked since about midnight. Now he seems fine. So does Chas. So maybe we'll dodge the bullet. Maybe.

Monday, December 26, 2005

More more more

"I need more presents, Mommy!"

Yes, opening presents for hours on Christmas is not enough. They need more. I need my head examined for overindulging them so much. But then they start singing the Jay Jay the Jet Plane song and I know I'd do it all over again. Sigh.

Anyway, last night we went to Stacey's house to visit with new cousin Raelee. While there, Chas' eye got swollen, red and obviously itchy and he seemed to develop a hive on his chin. The only thing I can think of is that it was a reaction to their dog, but that seems unusual. Anyway, I was missing my Benadryl so we came home and gave it to him, then plopped them in the tub. Shortly after they went to sleep, he woke up crying and coughing, in the midst of an obvious asthma attack. What's up with that? Is it just over-tiredness coupled with a minor cold virus?

OK, Eddie is now "flying" his Savannah plane and repeating over and over "Sonic boom. Sonic boom." (Savannah is supersonic.) Now Chas is doing it. Guess I'll keep them both another day.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Celebrating the birth of a snack food giant

So a couple of days ago, I asked Eddie if he knew whose birthday we celebrated on Christmas. He answered, logically enough, "Santa." I told him that in fact it is baby Jesus whose birth we celebrate. "Oh," came the reply.

The next day, hoping to repeat this cute little misunderstanding for Mama Steph, I asked Eddie again whose birth we celebrate on Christmas. His answer stunned me. "Baby Cheese-its."

Now, this makes absolutely no sense whatsover because, as a family, we definitely prefer Goldfish crackers. Ba-dum-bum.

Both boys now answer that it's Baby Jesus' birthday and their pronunciation has improved mightily. But it was fun while it lasted.

Christmas morning was fun, if a little overwhelming. They only wanted to stop and play with toys, not open more. Until, of course, they were out of packages to open. THEN they wanted more to open. They seem not to have noticed the giant art easel Santa left them because it is neither a Thomas toy nor a Jay Jay toy.

At any rate, they are very happy little boys and we are, as a consequence, very happy moms. Tired, but happy. We were up until 2 a.m. getting things ready. Then, while the boys slept soundly, I tossed and turned in anticipation of the magical moment when they would see all that Santa had brought. They were not nearly as excited as their mothers were, sadly. And now the sleep deprivation is hitting me hard and we have people coming over and a friggin' Christmas dinner to cook. Ho-Ho-dee-Ho, I want a nap. For about six hours.

Friday, December 23, 2005

You maybe ask Santa for it, Chas

This is Eddie's refrain whenever Chas sees something he wants in a store (or in the hands of another child). I'm wondering if it will stop after Christmas. Probably not. Regardless, although we have purchased enough toys to entertain every child in 4 of the smallest industrialized nations, I'm convinced they will be disappointed on Christmas morning because, dammit, they've bought into this whole magic of Santa scam and seem to think the right jolly old elf is bringing them EVERYthing they've ever seen and a few things they've only dreamed of.

I'm sure I'm worrying needlessly. But that's what I do. I worry. I fret. It's a great way to procrastinate.

Not while I'm around....

So tonight, during the seemingly 15 hour marathon involved in getting Chas to sleep, Steph left the room and promptly began making some no-bake cheesecake. (Why we worry about whether it's Chas-safe is kind of silly since we keep making it as rewards to ourselves for getting the boys to sleep and they rarely if ever even see it.) Anyway, as she started the mixer, Chas got nervous because of the noise. I hugged him close and said, "Mommy's got you and I won't let anything hurt you." A few minutes later he put his arms around my neck and hugged me tight. "I got Mommy," he said. "Nothing's gonna hurt Mommy." Awwww. I nearly wept. That boy has a way of taking me right up to the edge of frustration and then yanking me back with a single, sweet moment. It's downright nauseating how completely smitten I am with my sons.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Thanksyou'rewelcome

So in trying to teach the children some manners, we've inadvertently caused Eddie to coin a new phrase. "Thanksyou'rewelcome." He frequently remembers to say thanks when someone does something for him, but he instantly fills in their part of the exchange by tagging "you're welcome" to the end of every thanks. It makes me laugh almost every time.

Other random thoughts today: Chas has quite possibly the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. Seriously, one smidgen longer and I swear they would look freaky. Suffice it to say, he shouldn't have a lot of trouble with dust and crud getting into his eyes.

The boys helped me make some sugar cookies -- star-shaped -- today. They selected as the color of their stars the unconventional color green. Not the best sugar cookies ever -- egg-free for Chas of course. But lovely and tasty in their own way.

And finally, this: I know I'm not the first parent to have these thoughts. Still, sometimes, especially during "snuggles" I look at them and have a hard time really believing that they are my children. My sons. These exquisitely beautiful, loving, funny, smart, wonderful boys are my sons. I'm their mother, or rather, one of them. It's hard to believe how blessed I am with these little stinkers -- sometimes it just doesn't seem real. And so, to God I say, "Thanksyou'rewelcome."

Monday, December 19, 2005

Belugaback Mountain



Forgot to mention that we went to the zoo Saturday. Watched two male beluga whales gettin' jiggy wit each other. First, let me just say that even in frigid water, they don't have a shrinkage problem. Secondly, when they really get going, they, well, uh, they crap. It's kinda gross but I couldn't look away. This all begs the question of whether they are truly gay or this is just a prison type of deal. But you can't say there's no homosexual behavior in the animal world. I took pictures, but of course none of them showed the rather enormous "bidness." Sigh. Just how juvenile am I????

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Bad Mommy

OK, last night the 'Piders apparently attacked our bed again and Chas kept crying for me to take him in and rock him. Now, I didn't love him any less than I did the last time, but instead of taking him in and rocking him I used a progressively sterner voice with him and let my frustration show. At least now he's more afraid of me than of 'piders. Just kidding. I hope. Still, I blame the dreaded PMS and the fact that I'm getting his stinkin' cold for my Bad Mommy behavior. Thank heavens he has another mother to take over when I'm not being nice.

So today, Eddie's nose was a little congested on the way to church and he declared, "My breather's not workin' so hard." I think he may have meant "hot" but I heard "hard." Either way it's cute. Now they're in the tub and Eddie is declaring all of their bath toys, which he is lining up on the side of the tub, "ornaments." "Don't use these. These are orn-ments, Chas." Then he violently knocks them down. This may explain the rather unkempt appearance of our Christmas tree. Hmm.

Meanwhile, Eddie did a little "Christmas is almost here" dance earlier tonight.

OK, gotta run. My throat hurts. I'm tired. I'm cranky. The water's nearly out of the tub and the high-pitched screaming portion of the night is beginning. Oh joy.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Hive Minutes!

So we've become accustomed to Eddie's rallying cry when we want him to get in the bathtub or leave something he likes .... "HIVE MINUTES!" In fact, most "F" sounds sounded like they were "H" sounds. Last night, as we arrived home from the YMCA and a trip to the mall, Eddie took note of the fog and commented on it to his brother. "Look at the hog, Chas. Hog. Fog." Like that, his little speech tic seems to be gone. "Say five minutes," I told him. "Five minutes," he replied. Still doing it this morning. It's sort of cool to have actually witnessed such a breakthrough moment. But at the same time, I'll miss our little "Hive MEEnuts!" boy.

In other news, poor Chas has a cold and an expanding list of fears. Add the Baby Einstein "Baby Santa" video to the list. Last night he wouldn't let me leave Child Watch, so no work out for me. Then we gave up and just brought them into the "big bed" with us, where he announced that there were no 'piders. He then proceeded to tell me a 'pider would not bite his arm or his head. He still awoke at 3:30 in the freakin' a.m., insisting that I take him into his room and rock and snuggle him, which I did because he's sick and I love him. And if any freakin' 'piders try biting my boy's head or any other part of him, I'll squash 'em flat. If only I could do that with the cold virus that has attacked. Speaking of which, in a sick way I'm pulling for Eddie to get sick today, just so they're both over the worst of it by Christmas. Like I said, sick.

Today we're going for a Santa train ride and Zoo Lights at Point Defiance Zoo. Meeting Uncle Matt and his family, maybe Auntie Cathy. Should be fun -- if our boy isn't too sick. Or scared of light displays.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Nightmares are my nightmare

Another nightmare for Chas last night. Ugh. I thought Eddie slept through it but this morning, his first words were, "What you 'fraid of?" Anyway, Chas is starting to have a fear of some Thomas episodes, which is a mixed blessing, I think.

Oh, and the chocolate advent calendars are going much, much better than it seemed they would at first. They get very excited about advent cadlendar time and I use it to my advantage. Evil Mommy.

And a final thought for the day: Yesterday, Eddie informed me that he is "not a baby." I beg to differ. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm still changing his diapers, he's still a baby. And of course, he'll always be "my" baby. Still. It was kind of unsettling to hear for the first time. I swear I'm going to wake up one day and they'll be going to college.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Sum of All Fears

So I could laugh off his fear of the inflatable robot and the Abominable Snowman in the Rudolph video. Ha ha. But last night, Chas was completely and utterly terrified by... the bathtub. It took quite a bit of doing, but Steph finally got him into the tub. Oh to be finished with the fear for the night after the bath.... About 2:30 a.m. I heard him crying in his bed. I tried to call him in to the "big bed" but nothing doing. I went to get him and he insisted that he wanted rocked in the rocking chair, not taken to the big bed. OK. I rocked him until he closed his eyes, then put him in his bed so I could get some sweatpants on. He freaked. By now his brother was awake and trying to get into the big bed. I helped him in, but Chas wanted to be in his own bed. I was really tired. So I stayed in the big bed. Within a few moments, Chas was screaming again, but allowed me to bring him into bed with the rest of us -- where he kept my neck in a death grip. We even woke up to blow away the bad dreams. I thought we were cool, with his head right up against mine and I fell asleep. Suddenly, directly in my ear, he lets out the loudest, most high-pitched scream I have ever heard. T'was not a good night.

What has made this boy so fearful? More to the point, what's it gonna take for me to get a good night's sleep???

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Little Bit, meet Bossy Boiler

When Eddie was born, and for a long time after, I used to call him "Little Bit." Because he was smaller than Chas and just seemed like my Little Bit. So now, though he's still smaller than Chas, he's developing a new nickname. Now he's our little "Bossy Boiler." It's a Thomas the Tank Engine put-down for the know-it-all engine named Emily. It fits him quite well.

Speaking of Thomas, I am equal parts horrified and oddly proud of the fact that the boys can name pretty much every freakin' train sold by the The Holy Church of the Sacred Thomas. It's so sad. I always swore my boys wouldn't join the Thomas Cult. But you turn your back for 15 minutes and they're suddenly slack-jawed, blank-eyed little Thomas Freaks. It was so innocent, really. I Tivoed some Thomas just to see what the heck the fuss was about. Then we watched together. I was unimpressed. They were completely and utterly seduced by that ridiculous blue engine and his cheeky ways. Before this really took hold, they were completely smitten by Jay Jay the Jet Plane and his pals. I was more OK with that because A. There is a future in flight, space travel etc. but more importantly, 2. It was something different from every other little boy on the planet, enabling me to feel that my sons were somehow cooler, smarter, more advanced than other children. Now I must face the truth that they have the same pedestrian tastes as every other preschool boy. But those engines are pretty cute. And it is awfully smart of them to be able to name them all.

Sigh. Such ridiculous rationalizations. The truth is, it doesn't even matter that other kids their age or so are starting to read. Besides, I'll bet those kids can't sing all the lyrics to even ONE televisions show, whereas my boys can sing you Jay Jay, Thomas, Bob the Builder and even make a stab at Jo Jo's Circus. So there.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Chocolate filled advent calendars were not designed for 2-year-olds

So, to begin with, I screwed up. We went to see The Sound of Music, which our friend Jennie d'Armand is in, at the last minute last night and didn't get to start on our advent calendars. So this morning, I let the boys get out yesterday's chocolate and said we'd get today's later. Anyway, they immediately demanded more chocolate. I declined. So they started to undecorate the tree in protest. That got my attention and they got today's piece of chocolate. Little buggers. I don't think the calendars are going to make it to Christmas Eve, but maybe I'm just pessimistic.

It snowed last night. The boys found it interesting and even fun to toss around, but we didn't get to do much because we got home so late and then, as a consequence, all slept in this morning. By the time we were up and about it was all slushy and gross. Another magical childhood moment missed. Whoops.

Chas, by the way, is extremely fearful of a blow-up remote control robot at a toy store at the Supermall. We were there yesterday and when he saw Eddie pick up the remote, he turned and ran as fast as I've ever seen him run, across the hall and into the store his auntie had just left, screaming for her. That and the Abominable Snowman in the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer show. Hmm.