Soon the wasp Armegeddon will be upon the yellow jackets of Milton. Or at least those around our house. Today Chas let out a horrendous scream and kind of fell. I thought he'd broken something or perhaps punctured a lung. He stumbled to me clutching his side. I lifted his shirt and saw a tiny dot of red. He was madly scratching at it. I thought not too much of it other than it was a heck of a reaction for such a small injury. Then he asked me to get the bug off of him. Bug? There's no bug! But he insisted there was, indeed a bug that had hurt him. A yellow bug. Now we definitely have wasps around here and I've even seen them in the house on occasion so it shouldn't have been a huge surprise. I looked again and sure enough there was a small hive forming around the "injury." Being the ace investigator that I am, I had him look at a bug lineup on the internet. He quickly identified a wasp photo as the "yellow bug" in question.
Armed with this uncontrovertable evidence, I have convicted wasps of the crime of stinging my boy. I will take on the task of destroying their homes, killing any of them I can safely exterminate without risking my own sting and just generally make them wish they'd never come to Milton. I would feel bad, but in staining the boy's play set this weekend, we inadvertently executed via stain fumes (and possibly drowning) numerous potato bugs whose only crime was taking up residence in a glorified swingset. I'm no moral relativist, but I figure in this case the wasps certainly don't deserve to live given what the harmless potato bugs faced. I have no guilt and, when it comes to things that sting my boys and make me worry about allergic reactions, no mercy.
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Just so people don't think we're over-the-top cruel, I want it noted that innocent spiders and other non-child-biting crawlies are not stomped, but nicely taken outside. And flies get shooed, not squised. But wasps? Yeah, those f'ers will pay.
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