This is what rejection looks like in a 3-year-old.

0107Playing Outside in the Sunshine!138
Originally uploaded by MommyCheryl.

So yesterday it was sunny. So we went outside to play and eventually the neighbors came outside, too. One problem. Daniel, who lives next door and is about 6 months older than the boys, pretty much ignored them. They kept excitedly asking him if he wanted to come in and see the new steam engine their auntie bought them. No. No. No. Eventually, when Daniel shrieked and ran away from Chas, Chas decided he thought they were scary. So they tried to reassure him that they were not, in fact, scary.

Then Daniel did it. He told them he didn't like them and didn't want to be their friend anymore. There was a bit more chasing -- Chas was running to keep up with Daniel who was tearing around on a trike -- and then finally it sank in. And Chas' face crumpled. And I felt like someone had reached down my throat, grabbed my heart and squeezed until it burst.

I did my best at reassuring him -- we were in the house making valentines within minutes. But the nagging fear that I was the cause of this rejection simply wouldn't go away. Daniel's family is Eastern European. Dad runs a construction business and is very friendly -- he put our fence up for us a few months ago. Mom doesn't speak much English. I believe they are very religious -- in a Halloween is an evil holiday kind of way. Anyway, not that long ago, Daniel had started coming over and spending hours at our house. Then it just stopped. And my fear is that mom finally figured out that Steph and I aren't sisters or just good friends or something.

I could not possibly care less about it when it comes to me and Steph. Heck, we have another neighbor who has until recently had her kid avoid us presumably for the same reason. But by God the homophobia is hurting my boys and it's not O.K. with me. I mean, I knew they would probably face it at some point. But when they were older and somehow could understand it more. (Is there ever such an age?)

Now I'm probably reading waaaay too much into this. I'll bet Daniel is just doing that fickle four-year-old thing. But it's the fact that I even worry about it being me that really gets to me.